Consent is sexy, misogyny is not

Who doesn’t love chocolate?

That’s the beauty of something so sinfully delicious and readily available – not a day goes by when we’re not faced with the option of shoving chocolate in our faces, or resisting temptation and eating a stick of celery instead to save our waistlines.

It is our choice to eat the chocolate or not, and no one will question whether or not we are ready for it or even judge us too harshly.

Can the same be said for sex?

The short answer is no. We’ve come to an interesting time, and innovations in technology and the evolution of etiquette degeneration have happened so gradually that younger generations aren’t really sure how it wasn’t always like this – information so readily at our disposal and being more connected than ever to our neighbours, all around the world.

What does yes look like to you? A nod, a look, a touch?

Despite the seemingly simple question, affirmation has a wide range of complacency.

In 2013 alone, there were more than 21,000 incidents of sexual assault in Canada, and it is suggested by a Statistics Canada criminal victimization report that about 88 per cent of sexual assaults were not reported to police.

Television shows, movies and even apps are basically shouting at us, telling us sex isn’t a big deal and your ‘number’ doesn’t matter. But, best keep it mostly to yourself if you’re a woman to save yourself being berated.

What is so wrong with society, that a group of young adults attending a Canadian university think it’s acceptable to talk so freely about their peers on social media in what can only be described as torturous language?

Late last year, dentistry students at Dalhousie University in Halifax were found to have been inappropriate on a Facebook group named ‘Gentlemen’s Club’. Posts ranged from asking members which classmates they’d like to have hate-sex with to joking about using chloroform on them.

When did it become OK for anyone to strip someone’s character down to the bone simply to feel superior? It is not OK to talk, type or write such inappropriate language which if seen by the subject would not only cause embarrassment, but potential need for therapy.

Taking back consent has become a trend. Why did this need to happen? To think that a woman has no power or control over her own skin in North America, in 2015, is outrageous.

A woman went public to take back consent earlier this month to prove she would not be a victim of ‘revenge porn’ – when ex-partners post nude photographs online, without consent from the subject. This woman hired a professional photographer to show her posing in her apartment, nude, conducting daily tasks to prove she is a human being.

How is this OK?

Why aren’t we parading in the streets, demanding equality, like so many groups have before?

Because it’s become a plague.

You can’t protest against your neighbours, your teachers, your coworkers, your friends – anyone who may not think it’s a big deal to talk about having ‘hate-sex’ with someone so casually.

We live in what’s called a ‘rape culture’. Saying you ‘just got raped by the government’ on your taxes is an example of the normalization of sexual assault – basically we’re saying it’s OK by using the term so colloquially.

It’s time to take back consent, by giving respect.

Chocolate and sex are not the same. Stop acting like we’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

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Animal-lover, avid Netflix user, gamer, and a hippie-at-heart. I love writing, reading and laughing - because in the end that's all that matters.


  1. Durham College is in fact actively building capacity to respond to sexual violence, with the most recent announcement in the Star of the universal response policy to be ratified by the colleges in March being a visible sign.

    We are moving in the right direction.